All my life I felt like an outsider, stupid & useless - until I saw that I may be ADHD

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Today
It is my 2nd day on Dexedrine and I still felt a little calmer and more patient, I still lost my temper, but seemed to have a split second in which to analyse what I was doing and to control the severity of my anger.

Wednesday 23rd July
I took my first Dexedrine tablet (5mg), I was very nervous about starting this medication, cos it doesn't seem as popular as Ritalin and I have not found many personal accounts of people using it, the few I did find were from one extreme to the other, so hence the apprehension.

Anyway I took it and I don't know if it was a placebo effect, but I did feel a little calmer today.

Tuesday 22nd July (my birthday)
I got my prescription for Dexedrine - cos the Ritalin isn't doing anything for me.
Today was a good day and bad day, good cos it is my birthday and I got presents :) but also cos I got my prescription and visited family, it was a bad day cos all afternoon I had terrible stomach ache which I think was due to too much chocolate the day before, though I could be wrong.
posted by Paul at Thursday, July 24, 2003

 
Yesterday would have been day 4 of 5mg morning, 5mg afternoon, but as this had no effect on me, I skipped 2 days and went straight to my next dosage - 10mg morning, 5mg in the afternoon.
This again has no effect on me, but I will stay on this dosage for 3 days and then move onto the next dosage.
posted by Paul at Sunday, June 22, 2003

 
Well I finished my first 5 days on Ritalin on 5mg in the morning and it had no effect on me at all.
Yesterday I started on 5mg in the morning and 5mg in the afternoon and still no effect, wish I could just skip to a stronger dose, but better safe than sorry and follow the recommended doses.
posted by Paul at Thursday, June 19, 2003

 
I think yesterday was mainly a placebo effect, cos as soon as I swallowed the tab I went a little light headed for 0.5 second and with all the anticipation, excitement of finally getting the tabs, it was a big placebo for me.

I took my second tab this morning at 8:30am and so far no change, I have just been waiting all morning for some effect to take place, but none so far.

Anyway it's still very early days.

Friday 13th June
Got a private prescription for 200 tablets - cost £57
This is how my dosage is starting :-

Ritalin 5mg each morning for five days.
Ritalin 5mg each morning and 5mg in the middle of the day for five days.
Ritalin 10mg each morning and 5mg in the middle of the day for five days
Ritalin 10mg twice daily.

I took half a 10mg tab this morning and was anxiously waiting for something to happen.
I felt a calmer (chilled out) and whilst shopping with the wife I was taking my time browsing the aisles instead of running around them.
My temper control has improved by about 5-10%, I still felt a bit anxious at times, but overall felt a positive, time will tell when my dosage goes up, which I definately feel it needs, but for today - positive.

Of course today is only my first day, so will see how things progress in the coming weeks regarding doses.

I have a follow up appointment at the end of next month too.
posted by Paul at Saturday, June 14, 2003

 
WOOHOO

I went for my assessment today, train journey and 25 minute walk from station (it was a nice sunny day), finally get to the clinic to find out that we came to the wrong one GRrrrrr.

My fault really (partly, long story), so we had to get a taxi for the 20 minute journey, cost us £21 taxi fee :(

Anyway, got to the correct hospital and the assessment began. I was asked all about, my childhood - my behaviour, school etc, sleeping, temper, anxietyand attention span, and lots of other questions.

He then told me I was ADD and that I also had OCD and something else which I can't remember, but once I get my copy of the report he is sending me next week, then I will add to this update.

He talked about medication and that I will be on Ritalin, which once my Dr gets the report, then my Dr can write me presriptions which I hope he will do (vaguely remember my GP telling me that if I get diagnosed then he will have no problem writing out my prescriptions.

So I should have the report next Thursday or Friday, I am looking forward to it.
Thats all for the moment, I don't think its really sunk in yet, that I have been finally diagnosed ADD.
posted by Paul at Friday, May 30, 2003

 
Got a phone call from the clinic on Monday and they said that my appointment can be brought forward to this Friday 30th May, I said yes.


I am feeling quite anxious about my appointment, I will be crushed if I am diagnosed as not having ADD/ADHD, but I am 100% convinced that I do have the disorder.
Obviously its my low self esteem and negative outlook that is making me feel this way.
posted by Paul at Wednesday, May 28, 2003

 

Got my appointment confirmed in the post yesterday and I am having mixed feelings about it.
After all this time being messed about by the NHS, I have decided to go private, the fact that I now have an appointment provokes a lot of emotions - I am looking forward to it cos I will eventually find out whether I am ADD/ADHD or not, though I am 100 % certain I am.

My other emotions are fear that I am not ADD/ADHD , because of my low self esteem and negative attitude, I feel that everything is going to go wrong for me - damn I hate these feelings, why can't I ever feel positive and optimistic for a change.

Funnily enough, my appointment is on June Friday 13th , but as I ain't superstitious I ain't really bothered, but its the wait thats gooing to be difficult, I will be counting those days til its appointment time.
posted by Paul at Friday, May 16, 2003